Posted by: Darlene DeStefano on 06/28/2017



Relationships and the Art of Giving and Receiving. As we talk about relationships in general it is important to note that no two relationships are alike. And why? Because we are each unique individuals with a mind, body and spirit, similar, yet different. 

When it comes to relationships one needs to understand that not always will a relationship be equal. Think about your own relationships for a minute. Not just the ones with an intimate partner but all relationships. Overall do you take more than you give? Do you give more than you get? Are you truly happy with the way your relationships are working. Are they loving and respectful? 

Whether we are conscious of it or not, giving and receiving is ongoing every day of our lives. Are you just as gracious when you give as when you receive? I ask this because of an experience I had about 8 years ago. I was attending classes and needed someone to pick me up one day for the class. I asked for that ride openly at one class the week prior and one classmate offered to give me that ride. It was out of her way but she truly seemed overjoyed at doing this favour and was genuine in her giving. When she picked me up we were a bit early for class and she asked if we could stop for a bite of supper. I too had not yet eaten and so I agreed. We had a lovely meal and a great ‘get to know each other’ conversation. When the bill came, I took it from our server stating to my classmate, I would pay the bill as she was kind enough to pick me up. She wouldn’t hear of it and quickly grabbed the bill out of my hand and promptly jumped up to pay. Her behaviour somewhat surprised me and I really needed time to process what just happened. 

I felt cheated. Truly I was very grateful for the ride and wanted to repay her. Yet I was denied that opportunity. I realized in this instance, I was a good receiver and a good giver - although I didn’t actually give, my intent was clear and genuine. She on the other hand was a good giver but a poor receiver. Why, I asked myself?

What was the underlying reason why she refused my gift and hence she did not receive? In essence she denied me the opportunity to give creating an imbalance in give and take or giving and receiving, which consequently unbeknown to her, produced negative energy for both of us.

I observed her more closely in class and found her to do this all the time. Giving and refusing something in return disallowing the other person to give and her to receive.

It was clear to me that somewhere along her journey whether it be family, culture, society, or environment, an experience of feeling guilty, feeling it is expected of her, or perhaps it makes her feel more important, whatever the reason, there is a need to be fulfilled. Her need to always be the giver hides a mask of negativity separating her from the true joy of giving and receiving, thereby stopping the natural flow of balance. 

Consciously understanding the patterns of how, what, where, when and why, of our own personal reasons, points the way to stopping negative experiences, emotions and situations.

We are not always attuned to the way in which we give and receive. At times they can be complex, with many negative aspects that can lead to disappointment, unfulfilled feelings, guilt, sadness and other negative emotions, which consequently (as I just described from my experience) produces negative energy for both the giver and receiver. Other examples of this would be when you received a gift from someone and thought to yourself, "What ever were they thinking when they bought this?” or it was a gift exchange and your gift was more expensive then the one. And you were disappointed. Regardless of your "thank you" the giver, whose heart was in the right place, felt your unspoken energy and may even consciously realize that the gift they thought would bring you joy - didn't. The giver feels sad for they then felt they did a poor job; or they feel upset because their thoughtfulness was unappreciated. What should have been a positive experience has turned into a negative. Because we are all energetically connected, this negative energy extends collectively to affect the people around you, the world and hence the Universe.

It is therefore important for everyone to understand their reasons for giving and receiving. It can transform potential negative situations into positive ones. If someone chooses to be unaware, or continue to give or receive for the "wrong" reasons they will remain in negative emotions and produce negative energy that will follow them throughout their life until realization of what they are doing is perceived by them. Once perceived and corrected, spiritual growth takes place.

So folks, now its your turn. Think back in your life, has giving and receiving created negative emotions you would rather have avoided? How often was that? Are you able to identify the reasons? Every person is unique and different having their own reasons for the way they give and receive. Always it is based upon their perception. A person's perception is just that - their perception. It is based on their innate abilities and experiences like family, role models, society, culture, environment. Since we are all unique only you can understand your reasons of giving and receiving and why they may not be producing the positive results you want. 

Think about the reasons why you give and receive. Look for the primary reason or common denominator. Ask yourself this question, "In most cases why do I give and why do I receive?" Knowing your primary reason for giving and receiving is the first step to help you determine if there is a hidden underlying negative cause that could be contributing to the negative results you are getting. While only you know the answer, ponder these clues.

Do you give or receive because:

   - you feel you have to? 

   - you feel it's “expected of you"? 

   - you'll feel guilty if you don't? 

   - it makes you feel important? 

   - you want something in return emotionally or monetarily? 

   - you want to show people you are affluent? 

   - your want to "look good"? 

   - you want or need to fit in? 

   - you want or need to feel good? 

   - you perceive a need or want to be filled for you or another person?

All of the foregoing reasons mask a hidden negativity. They tie you in to negative emotions, ego, emotional need, attachment to social parameters, material possessions or control issues, which all contribute to separating you from your true spiritual self. They separate you from the true joy of giving and receiving. They are limiting you. Each of these reasons takes away the real spirit of giving and receiving. It stops the flow, creating an imbalance.  In order to attain true positive results from giving and receiving balance is required.

So now that you have discovered your primary reason the next step is to go deeper into that reason to come to the realization of why you feel this way and if it is really appropriate for you.


Do you give or receive too much?


Do you only give or receive when it is a holiday or a birthday? Do you limit your giving and receiving?


Do you only give when you feel pressured to do so? Does it come from your heart when you give?

AND . . . 



Do you plan on expectations of outcomes when you give or receive? Do you attach significance to what you give or receive? Do you formulate attitudes or judgment when you give or receive? Are you giving or receiving for the needs and desires of the other person? Do you expect something in return for what you give?

Giving and receiving requires at least two or more people. Giving and receiving should be accomplished in a positive way. Giving and receiving should be balanced. When you give too much or receive too much there is an imbalance. This imbalance creates a karmic debt for the other person.

Therefore, if you feel unfulfilled and you’re not getting positive results from your giving and receiving, its time to explore why. Use your newly acquired knowledge to attain the positive energy of giving and receiving in balance. It will contribute to attracting more positive energetic situations in your life and keep the positive energy flowing on the planet and throughout the universe. Now how great is that!



In our family we get together to celebrate on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day our adult children visit their other side as is fitting. But for the past several years I found I was so very lonely on Christmas Day. We were asked to spend Christmas Day with other family members and while I was all for it, hubby felt somewhat uncomfortable about it and always chose a quiet day with just ourselves. For me it is lonely and no matter how many carols I listened to or Christmas movies I watch, I still felt an emptiness. So, this year I decided I was going to change that. I thought about who else might be lonely and picked up the phone a couple of weeks before Christmas and called the local seniors home. I asked if I could come in on Christmas Day and visit with the residents who have no one visiting them that day. With a resounding yes, I had my plan. I asked hubby to join me but alas it was not his thing he said. So once I had our turkey in the oven off I went. The closer I got to the building, the more excited I became. The receptionist at the nurses station gave me the list of residents to visit. I chatted with each and every one of them. We shared stories of yesteryear, I took a gentleman for a refreshing walk outside, and even sang to a lady confined to her bed. They were so grateful thanking me several times and asking me to come and visit again. I knew I would make their day by visiting with them, but what I didn’t realize was just how much they made my day. True I did hope this act on Christmas Day would lessen my loneliness, but it did so much more than that. I received pure and loving joy.

This quote by ‘Francis of Assisi’ was very fitting for me on Christmas Day, IN WHICH he said . . . . “For it is in giving that we receive.” 

I remember another time about 8 years ago in which I had brief encounter: 

I was walking across the street one day and a perfect stranger was coming toward me from the opposite direction. I decided to give him a smile and said ‘hi, how are you doing today?’  with genuine heartfelt sincerity. His response which both floored and elated me was “Fantastic! My cells are talking to each other and I feel great!!!”  Simply exchange of giving and receiving. He enjoyed my greeting and I enjoyed his reply. A perfect balance.

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